The Birthday Blues

7 days til my birthday & I should be happy, right? Then why do I feel like as we get closer to my " special day ", things get worse. Day by day people seem to show themselves to be some of the most horrible people ever. I mean even if you say you're close to me, that should be carried along throughout thick & thin. I guess I'm wrong & its not really possible for me to have close people around me to trust for the majority of the time. I'll be okay in the end but for now, THIS truly has to be one of the worst feelings possible. What could I have done so horrible for others to hurt me like this? Little things haven't phased me before but for me to spend multiple hours crying about a certain problem just can't be right. Everyone should take the words " Love, Friendship, Family & Respect " & really sit & think about it all. I really hate being on my own, its sort of nice thinking I have someone by my side, holding me down, having my back... reality sets in & again, I'm alone.

ASA Charter School

Well these kcufers finally called me back. So I started Wednesday O3/25/O9, & maynn oooo maynn did things go nicely. Me & Ari sat in class eating chips & candy while sippin Arizona =]. I wasn't the only new kid... there was Desirae & tall ass Greg.. dude is 6'4" sooo he was very noticable. Well I was also noticable seeing as I was probably the only fitted girl there!! =/ .... Ari's fitted too but they were use to her, & then this nigga claims himself to be " swaggin " but his clothes are nice... LOL. Well things went very well that day & so I enjoy going there. SURELY I don't plan on staying there after 9th grade but I think I'll continue going each day til I'm done. Well I should probably go get ready for school tomorrow, I think I wanna bring some fooooooood for Mr. Cheeeeng's class.. since nobody AIMs me 1st period!! Gawsh.... LOL.

I Neeeeeeeed That

• Forever 21 & Charlotte Russe
• Kush & Grape Swishers
• Chipotle &/OR Taco Bell
• Arizona Raspberry Iced Tea
• Caaaaaaaaa$h

Hehehehe... ahem, somebody wanna runn thatt?

Your Girlfriend's Favorite Rapper

Okay soooo.. this dude here, goes by the name of Project &/or PC. He's great at what he does. Most likely " Your Girlfriend's Favorite Rapper ", he's made my favorite love songs str8 drop & every song he puts out never changes my thoughts on his music. It irritates me that I can't pick ONE favorite song by him. He's locked up right now.. but I hear he should be out soon. Just do me a huuuuge favor, listen to the rest of his music!! SWEAR you won't hate what you hear.

http://www.imeem.com/yungpc

http://www.myspace.com/projectgutta

http://www.youtube.com/user/project8500

This Empty Feeling...

Well, its 4 am & I just can't go to sleep! Everyone else on AIM is asleep, nothing's on TV, & my iPod's dead. But what's bothering me the most is this feeling waaaaay down in my stomach. It feels empty & sends a bad vibe up to my heart which runs negative emotions & thoughts through my mind. Blah, blah, blahh.. I feel like I'm avoiding the point. I don't know if its the fact that my birthday's coming up in exactly a month now & I'm unsure about it. I feel like nothing special is going to happen & NO ONE cares about it. & then I don't know what to do for my day ( last year I got my tongue pierced, shopped & went to 6Flags ),... Tattoo? Another piercing? Function? Chill?... Whatever... as long as I get a few blunts, birthday love & lots of cash... I think I'll be good. Maybe the fact that I miss living in the 31O, I swear that was when I was happiest. Another thing, why must a lot of you guys be so confusing?! Doing things I completely do NOT understand. Then its like I can never be with the guy I want because he's taken or trying to pursue EVERY girl, not just myself. Or maybe its just some of the simple things that I'm unsure of. Whatever! I'm done complaining. I might make an entry for my " Guy Problem( s ) " later, but I think I'll go to sleep now. Gooooood Nightttttt!

To Speak Like A Lady

First of all I want to say that I'm doing this blog entry via Sidekick Lx so if it doesn't look right, my apologies. As to the subject, now I pretty much do speak in a polite manner, BUT I do have my moments where I slip up & show the signs of a bitch. See, there I go cursing again. I've noticed I curse more than needed & I should tone it down so that maybe I can get to a point where I no longer need to use that vocabulary. I can hold a decent conversation or even a very educated one, but every now & then I lower myself using " inappropriate language ". Not to fit in or anything, simply because that's the first thing that comes to mind. I'm going to try to avoid such words, please forgive me if a few slip out at you.

School

I haven't been in school since October 'O8. I returned in the last week of December 'O8 to do testing & have been signed out ever since. NO I didn't drop out, I just made a few weird decisions. I won't say they're wrong or bad... they just weren't completely thought through. I can't stand school thinking I'll go nowhere I want to with it. I mean I do want to attend college but my dreams seem to be pretty much " dead-end " if I stay in regular schooling. After moving a few times & thinking about what's best, I thought I'd just do some sort of Home School/Independent Studies thing at a Charter school to finish up the rest of my 9th grade to catch up. No, I haven't forgotten about my dreams... so my extra time will be spent thinking up how I'm going to make things happen. But as far as school, I'm waiting for the bitch ass charter school to call me back! I took a test for them today & DAMN that shit was confusing.. LOL. I'm always LAST to finish a test.

Random Week/Weekend

• Montclare Mall is SUS.
• " 5Point Nail Salon " in Rialto, CA... doesn't deserve that many points.
• I have never stolen so much shit in the same week, Ari... I'm proud of us.
• Carson Mall sucks majorrrrr ASS. ( Except for Chuck E. Cheese! )
• Samoans are always up to hit other children =P.
  
• Me & my oldest brother got into it outside of Chuck E. Cheese.... negro tried to hit me... I was finna swing, but everyone pulled ME away. Smh.
  
• A random " grown woman " was about to get her ass beat by myself & my cousin Rever.... My cuzzo is a BEAST!! =D
• I swear I LOVE Long Beach, CA!
• Random guys in Long Beach Jerk & Reject? Were they willing to " Teach me how? "... FUCK EM! My Jerk was waaaay better LOL.. but the dude in Wal-Mart said my Reject was " Good " ... ugh.
• The movie " Fired Up! " is NOT worth the $1O.

Words From A Wise Young Man

" Hate to sound sleezy but tease me, I don't want it if its that easy. " - Tupac Amaru Shakur



LOL, Ya feels me?

A Note To My Talented Friends

I'll always be your friend before I'm your " Fan ". If you come to me ONLY when you want me to help promote you, that makes me feel like a fan. I'm not a groupie. IDon'tGiveAFuck how many big names you have or will work with. Not out of jealousy, simply because it doesn't impress me. As a friend I'll always congratulate you here & there. & I'll always be supportive of you & your talent. But I'd rather have a conversation about how your day went or some shit; however if you'd rather have every conversation involve me going on & on about much I love your work & praise you like you're some God or whatever, then classify that as a " Groupie ", lose my contact & find someone that meets your preference.

My Enlightenment

Enlightened to say, I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. Although I am very much brighter than others. I have time to learn & grow & become one who is brighter than most, allowing myself to be the one whom others can relate to & may also run to. Enlightened to say I'm not the first girl to be noticed by the opposite sex. Rarely am I the one who all the guys chatter about, but I also am not the girl who is known to " Give it up " so quickly. Enlightened to say I don't have all the riches in the world. As it gives me opportunities to make good with what I have & helps me realize I can be just as happy as the girl on TV if I just be myself. Enlightened to say, I have my insecurities just like the next girl, but I'm most enlightened to say I'm my own person & no one else.

The Beginning?

Sooo a few nosey people ask me why I call myself Crayon. Well back in Springtime 2OO8, a young boy who shall remain nameless aimed me calling me Crayon. Well I guess he was trying to be funny seeing that my government name is Carvon & my last name happens to be a color ( Green ). I accepted him calling me Crayon because I really wanted a nickname. Even though it was an awkward one.. I felt I'm an awkward person.. soo the name fit well. =]

Just don't call me Crayola.. I hate that.